And the winner is…

Tony from AZ!!!

In terms of “most votes” – Nasty dominated the competition with 3,455 (52.9%) of the votes. Seriously, the rest of you guys didn’t stand a chance. Because Nasty is a Really Cool Guy, he dedicated his winnings to Tony who – lets be honest here – totally deserves it.

Coming in 2nd place, EmmaLee‘s five o’clock shadow had 1,328 votes (20.4%). And Nicholas‘ Lindy Ruff came in 3rd with 681 votes (10.4%).  Nice work, everybody!

I’ve already ordered some Pretty Snazzy Trophies for our winners, the chocolate is sitting in my fridge looking all delicious (I haven’t eaten it!!!), and if Carp ever gets his aasen to the post office then all the prizes should be good to go sometime next week.

The rest of you non-winners will also be getting something for your participation. It won’t be Snazzy, but it’s still Kinda Cool! Please email me (zetterburger at gmail dot com) your address if I don’t already have it.

Thank you so much to everyone who participated! What a blast! I’m so looking forward to doing this again next year… hopefully the beards will grow wild and crazy until June and we will all celebrate with a big parade! Rangers in 2013!!! Until then…

GO KINGS, GO!

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3rd Paul Mara Playoff Beard Competition: “After” Pics!

Nasty: The look on his face says it all. Not only is the season over, but that beard is over with it. I need a drink.

CCCP: Wanna know why he’s smiling? Because he took this picture on May 18th. That’s right. He shaved his beard WHILE THE RANGERS WERE STILL IN THE PLAYOFFS. Boo this man.

Manny: The Playoffs were really, really tough on Manny.

Carp: Don’t mess with Carp. That’s how you get your head knocked off, son.
Also, extra points for the upper beard.

4everanger: He writes, “Damn, I wanted to grow it longer and bigger.” THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID.

Wicky: They grow up so fast.

Little Wegian: He morphed into Brian Boyle. Awesome! Video to come.

Lindy Ruff. I mean, Nicholas.

Noah: Solid effort, sir. Guh. Is anyone else getting depressed all over again? Where’s that beer I wanted?

BANJ: I don’t know what to say, man…

Casey: AHAHAAA! When I saw this, I laughed so hard I peed my Belly Band!

Alec Berg: He had a decent Boyler going for a minute, “but axed the bottom half in a drunken rage post-game.” Totally understandable.

EmmaLee: True, she can lose both her legs in a car crash and walk it off, but Playoff stress makes her hair curl.

Tony from AZ: I don’t really have the words here. Tony is one of the sweetest, funniest, toughest, most-loved, wise ass Rangers fans I have ever had the privilege of meeting. Keep working hard and kicking ass, Tony. And for prust sake, would you put some fucking pants on?

So here’s how this is gonna work, folks. I’ll put the poll in the next post and you can vote for Tony, I mean “The Winner” until the contest ends. The polls will close Friday, June 8th, at 5:00PM EST.

Prizes for the Top Three include:

And I’m pretty sure the losers are gonna win something as well. Because here at The Zetterburger, everyone’s a winner… even the losers!

Bits & Pieces

Hey, what’s that on your face? Well, turn that frown upside down! No one can see it anyways, under that massive hair-mask you’re wearing.

In beard-related news, Brandon “Underbite” Prust is clearly leading the Rangers in Beard Awesomeness.

But wait! Where did THIS come from?

Not to get ahead of myself, but that beard looks like it wants to fight Mike Richards. Aaand in conclusion, the Brandons are awesome.

Just a reminder, the Zetterburger has a tweet dot com thing, or whatever. Please follow it and send it beard updates, pictures of delicious foods, and puppies. It’s over there —>

P.S. This! In which the word “heteronormative” makes it onto my 2nd favorite hockey blog!

“Before” Pics: Part III

This is it, folks! The final inSTAALment of The 3PMPBC “before” pics! It’s been exciting getting to see all of your fancy & pretty faces – I can’t wait to see them all covered in beard! 

You can check out the rest of the “before” pics here and here

BANJ: BANJing his way to greatness.

Casey: If you don't vote for him, he'll pee on your shoes.

Alec Berg: I had to resist the urge to photoshop funny things in the background. No promises for the "after" pics.

EmmaLee: EmmaLee once lost both legs in a car accident, but she walked it off.

Eric: He is awesome and everyone should check out his Rangers' blog 5-hole.com

Once the playoffs are over for the Rangers you’ll have about a week to clean all the confetti out of your beard and sober up (or to step off the ledge and sober up), take an “after” picture, and send it to zetterburger@gmail.com. Then we’ll all vote on who takes home the chocolate, trophies, and bragging rights.

To all the contestants, thanks and good luck!

“Before” Pics: Part I

I’m happy to say the 3rd Paul Mara Playoff Beard Competition is off to a great start! I received over a dozen “before” pics! I will be posting them throughout the week so as to not overwhelm anyone by all of the amazing gorgeousness of our contestants. Photos will be posted in the order they were received. I’m looking forward to all the beard pictures but, of course, I’m hoping those are a long way off.

And with that, here we go:

Nasty! Oh, YOU nasty… 

CCCP: Checkin’ coats, takin’ names, growin’ beards.

Manny: What the byfuglien? Are you feeling okay, pal?

Carp: Good morning! (Full disclosure: he gets my vote.)

4everanger: Oh you handsome mustachey devil, you!

That’s just the beginning. There are more “before” pics to come later this week, along with some other stuff.

In the meantime, everyone please send well wishes and happy thoughts to my friend, Tony, as he recovers from his stroke. Tony, I’m glad you found a socially-acceptable way to not wear pants for a while, but please don’t ever scare us like this again.

Great success!

The 3rd Paul Mara Playoff Beard Competition is now officially closed for entries. Thanks to all who sent in your gorgeous, adorable, hilarious, confusing (Manny?), and clean shaven “before” pics! In the next few days I’ll be posting the photos, as well as announcing some of the prizes.

In the meantime, here’s Puck Daddy’s Guide to 2012 Stanley Cup Scruff, in which we learn Shea Weber’s beard is the kind “so dark and terrifying that you would not want to meet in a dark alley.” Well, duh

Finally, a huge MAZEL TOV to our heroes, the New York Rangers, on their glorious victory over the Ottawa Senators. 15 more to go!

Last Chance to Enter Contest

Today is your last day to enter The 3rd Sometimes Annual Paul Mara Tribute Rabies Awareness Playoff Beard Contest and Picnic Extravaganza!!! Get ’em in before puck drop tonight folks (7:00EST), or it’ll be too late.

Once again, folks of any age, shape, or intergalactic origin are encouraged to enter. The Zetterburger does not discriminate. Your ability to win this contest will be based solely on your ability to win this contest. If nobody wins I will flip a coin or give all the prizes to Carp.

Email your “before” pic to zetterburger@gmail.com

If you need a little inspiration, here’s the winner from last year: