3rd Paul Mara Playoff Beard Competition: “After” Pics!

Nasty: The look on his face says it all. Not only is the season over, but that beard is over with it. I need a drink.

CCCP: Wanna know why he’s smiling? Because he took this picture on May 18th. That’s right. He shaved his beard WHILE THE RANGERS WERE STILL IN THE PLAYOFFS. Boo this man.

Manny: The Playoffs were really, really tough on Manny.

Carp: Don’t mess with Carp. That’s how you get your head knocked off, son.
Also, extra points for the upper beard.

4everanger: He writes, “Damn, I wanted to grow it longer and bigger.” THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID.

Wicky: They grow up so fast.

Little Wegian: He morphed into Brian Boyle. Awesome! Video to come.

Lindy Ruff. I mean, Nicholas.

Noah: Solid effort, sir. Guh. Is anyone else getting depressed all over again? Where’s that beer I wanted?

BANJ: I don’t know what to say, man…

Casey: AHAHAAA! When I saw this, I laughed so hard I peed my Belly Band!

Alec Berg: He had a decent Boyler going for a minute, “but axed the bottom half in a drunken rage post-game.” Totally understandable.

EmmaLee: True, she can lose both her legs in a car crash and walk it off, but Playoff stress makes her hair curl.

Tony from AZ: I don’t really have the words here. Tony is one of the sweetest, funniest, toughest, most-loved, wise ass Rangers fans I have ever had the privilege of meeting. Keep working hard and kicking ass, Tony. And for prust sake, would you put some fucking pants on?

So here’s how this is gonna work, folks. I’ll put the poll in the next post and you can vote for Tony, I mean “The Winner” until the contest ends. The polls will close Friday, June 8th, at 5:00PM EST.

Prizes for the Top Three include:

And I’m pretty sure the losers are gonna win something as well. Because here at The Zetterburger, everyone’s a winner… even the losers!

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Bits & Pieces

Hey, what’s that on your face? Well, turn that frown upside down! No one can see it anyways, under that massive hair-mask you’re wearing.

In beard-related news, Brandon “Underbite” Prust is clearly leading the Rangers in Beard Awesomeness.

But wait! Where did THIS come from?

Not to get ahead of myself, but that beard looks like it wants to fight Mike Richards. Aaand in conclusion, the Brandons are awesome.

Just a reminder, the Zetterburger has a tweet dot com thing, or whatever. Please follow it and send it beard updates, pictures of delicious foods, and puppies. It’s over there —>

P.S. This! In which the word “heteronormative” makes it onto my 2nd favorite hockey blog!

Guest Post! Why my mom likes hockey and- wait, did she say “dribble the puck”?

Until a few months ago, my mom was not a hockey fan. Then sometime in December, around the time of Stu Bickel’s first Rangers game, she became one of us. She started calling me after games to talk about an exciting play. And she’d call, giggling, when fights broke out. I loved it, but I had no idea what was going on. A few weeks ago I asked her if she’d be interested in writing a guest post about the short history of her hockey fandom and what it was that she liked about the game.

This is what she wrote:  

Sally asked me write about why I started liking hockey when I used to hate it. I went two or three times to the rink at Cornell to see the middle-schoolers (Sally’s friends) play. I couldn’t stand when the players got shoved up against the sides. I’d cringe and shut my eyes. It sounded horrible and I felt sorry for their mothers.
A few years ago, Sally took me to an Elmira Jackals game. That was fun. I could laugh at myself when I couldn’t find the puck and when I kept calling the periods, “quarters”. Then Sally started watching games when she was at my house. I’d watch them with her because it was a way to spend time together. Little by little I learned more. I kinda know what an icing is and I can almost see an off-sides call. Mostly, I just liked spending time with my Rangers-obsessed daughter. 
Then I started watching when Sally wasn’t home. I’ve always loved dance – to watch the incredible movements of a dancer. It is not a big leap to love the graceful way the skaters move – even in their aggressiveness. Turning on a dime; splattering themselves on the ice to get in the way of the puck; dribbling (?) the puck to make a goal. The fights and the checking seem funny to me now – like little boys having a tantrum. I recognize Dubinsky and Callahan and the coach. I enjoy hearing about Bickel’s fights. (He might be the biggest baby.) They are like friends from a new TV series. It takes me out of myself. I get to laugh at myself and sometimes them. I’m learning something new. Most of all I have one more thing to share with my terrific child and be part of her life. It’s a gift she gave me.

To be clear, she was already the most amazing and wonderful mom ever long before she started liking hockey. But to hear her kvell about her favorite player (Callahan), or to listen to her Rick Jeanneret impressions, or to joke with her about tweeting Stu Bickel (she doesn’t know what that means)… well, it just makes her all the more amazing and wonderful. And it also makes this surprising and unforgettable season all the more surprising and unforgettable.

Thanks, Mom!

“Before” Pics: Part II

Here we are with the second installment of the 3PMPBC “before” pics! Here at the Zetterburger, everyone is a winner! Okay but seriously folks, here are some winners: 

Wickarello: Awww baby!!! Look. At. Those. Cheeks!

The (other) Little Wegian: How do you say "super cool" in Norwegian?

Nicholas: Why so sad? You've already got a pretty rockin' Lindy Ruff there!

Millie Vanillie: Girl you know it's true, uh uh uh, I love you.

Noah: Major beardage potential.

The 3rd and final “before” post will be up soon, so hold on to your pants. Until then…LETS GO RANGERS!!!

Great success!

The 3rd Paul Mara Playoff Beard Competition is now officially closed for entries. Thanks to all who sent in your gorgeous, adorable, hilarious, confusing (Manny?), and clean shaven “before” pics! In the next few days I’ll be posting the photos, as well as announcing some of the prizes.

In the meantime, here’s Puck Daddy’s Guide to 2012 Stanley Cup Scruff, in which we learn Shea Weber’s beard is the kind “so dark and terrifying that you would not want to meet in a dark alley.” Well, duh

Finally, a huge MAZEL TOV to our heroes, the New York Rangers, on their glorious victory over the Ottawa Senators. 15 more to go!

Last Chance to Enter Contest

Today is your last day to enter The 3rd Sometimes Annual Paul Mara Tribute Rabies Awareness Playoff Beard Contest and Picnic Extravaganza!!! Get ’em in before puck drop tonight folks (7:00EST), or it’ll be too late.

Once again, folks of any age, shape, or intergalactic origin are encouraged to enter. The Zetterburger does not discriminate. Your ability to win this contest will be based solely on your ability to win this contest. If nobody wins I will flip a coin or give all the prizes to Carp.

Email your “before” pic to zetterburger@gmail.com

If you need a little inspiration, here’s the winner from last year:

Playoff Beard Competition!

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3rd Sometimes-Annual Paul Mara Playoff Beard Competition!

Thanks to the ever-awesome Carp at Rangers Report, it’s happening HERE, folks. There will be itchy faces, prizes, and trash-talking GALORE!

If you would like to enter, email your “before” pictures to zetterburger@gmail.com. The deadline for entries is at puck drop for the Rangers’ first playoff game. One entry per person, unless you’re a two-faced, bush-league clown. Winners will be chosen by majority vote after the Rangers win the Cup or, god-forbid, are eliminated from the playoffs.

Lets do this thing.